My husband got it TOTALLY right this year for my birthday.
He flew one of my BFFs in from Sweden as a surprise (BOY was I surprised). He knew that, despite my talking to Sille daily on Whatsapp, it would be a massive gift to have her here in person for a weekend.
Totally attuned. Totally aligned. He GOT it.
MEET MY HUSBAND DAVID
This pic was taken 2 years ago (thanks for the reminder Facebook!) It was a few years or so into a massive change in our relationship.
Prior to that, I didn't even trust that my husband could make a dinner reservation without my guidance, much less pull off a secret surprise of this magnitude (control issues, anyone? 😉
SPOILER ALERT: This is NOT about my husband. It's not even about relationships exactly.
It's about YOU. And how using the power of your (true) DESIRE is the KEY to serving yourself and all those around you.
SOOOOOO....what changed with my husband? How did he get it SO right this year, not just for my birthday, but also being able to say YES to our Costa Rica adventure last year, when 3 years ago, I could barely get him to say yes to an adventurous vacation?
How was it that he actually THANKED me, in his birthday card this year, for inspiring "...me to strive to be more than I would have ever dared to be..."?
Well, first let me share (sheepishly) what I had done in the years prior - TRYING to get him to change:
- Blamed him for not getting it right (even when he did make attempts)
- Unconsciously (mostly) withheld kindness, affection, love, while "over-performing" around the household tasks (silently seething)
- Complained a lot (to him, to my friends)
- Assumed that I had to get everything DONE myself
- Waited for HIM to give me PERMISSION to: travel, feel great about money, feel awesome about myself...etc
- Spent a lot of time imagining what would have happened if I had married that (perfect;) boyfriend from my twenties
The point here is: I was putting ALL my power, to have the life I desired and to feel the way I wanted to feel, into David (and others outside of me).
And I was resentful, anxious, and frustrated as hell when it wasn't delivered.
Until I realized that it wasn't up to David to deliver the goods.
David HAS changed massively (and I am deeply grateful). But not from my pushing and prodding and controlling and complaining.
I let go. I tapped into my DESIRES...and owned full responsibility for them... (ah, yes, that was scary-as-shit 🙂
It was only then that I could see what might be possible...not just for myself, but for my marriage, my business, my love of travel, my ability to make an impact, and so on.
(Ironically, it was a huge relief to my husband too, and allowed him to own HIS own desires and relate completely differently to me).
Can YOU relate?
Is there SOMETHING you want that you are WAITING for, and don't know how to actually use your power to create?
- You want more intimacy in your relationship
- You want to make more money
- You want a relationship
- You want to write your book
- You want to start your business
- You want to move to a new city or escape to the beach
- You want to travel more
- You want to start your purpose-fueled business
- You want to KNOW what the hell you want, beyond getting through your to-do list
- You want ..... (fill in YOUR DESIRE here)
If you are NOT getting what you want from your relationship OR from your work OR from your kids OR from your passions, then THIS is for you.
The change you want is not only possible. It is WAITING for you to claim it. (But no one can read your mind).
You've got to learn the language of desire:
- KNOW what you want (clearly)
- HONOR it no matter what (even if it's
- DIFFERENT than what someone else wants)
- LET other people want what they want/feel what they feel without trying to GET THEM to change
- KNOW how to request (not demand or be passive) about what you want
- Learn how to RECEIVE (stop pushing away what IS there for you, because you feel like you don't deserve it or because it's vulnerable and uncomfortable)
- STAY on the path of desire, even when the fear + resistance hit (it always does)
- Align your ENERGY with what you want (remove internal BLOCKS that keep getting in your way - hello, self-doubt, old stories and beliefs, lack of self-confidence, etc)
So Where Do You Start?
Today, I want to invite you to ask yourself a few questions:
- What do I REALLY want?
- What am I waiting for? Am I waiting for SOMEONE else to "approve" of it or give me permission? Am I waiting for others to "not reject" me?
- Am I afraid that my having this thing would rock the boat or cause discomfort in someone else?
- Am I hoping someone else might deliver the goods somehow?
- Do I want something but I'm not willing to get vulnerable enough to really ASK for it?
(Be totally honest with yourself. It's easy to get "defensive" but I can practically guarantee, if there's something you've been spinning your wheels on - whether that's money, love, your body, your business idea, your book, your love of travel, whatever - then there's some way you are not claiming and owning your desires fully).
WANT MORE? (Of course you do!)
If you are TIRED of waiting and are ready to say HELL YES to your SELF, then there's an amazing opportunity that's YOURS for the taking - The BRAVE Online Experience starts on Tuesday May 1st, 2018.
It's a deep-dive immersion into YOUR desires - knowing them, owning them, and having them. It's powerful and it's personal.
I'd love to help you say, "WOW! I never thought THAT was possible!"
Ready? Learn more here.
PS. MOMENTS AFTER THE SURPRISE
Here's a quick selfie that we took moments after David called me and said, "Hey, Fedex is at the door - they need your signature for something. Can you please go down?"
And VOILA! Massive happy surprise from Sille, who I had arranged to talk to by video the next day. WHAT???? On my doorstep? Thanks David 😉
PPS. This blog was written with the full approval of my husband 🙂